history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
