I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
