1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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