whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
