Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
