why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
