If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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