It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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