The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
