I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish you could order shots online.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
