also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
