So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
