I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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