Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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