I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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