Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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