there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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