Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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