so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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