Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
