My room smells like vodka and shame
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
