he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
