sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
