So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
