I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
