he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
