turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize