I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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