cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
