I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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