God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize