Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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