Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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