fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
