HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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