Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
