So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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