I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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