I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
