Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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