i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
