I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
