I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
