I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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