I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
