a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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