Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
