I didn't shave. On purpose
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
