Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
