And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
