I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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