i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize