i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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