Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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