Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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