I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
