I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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