We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
