Small penises have feelings too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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