Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
not ubering you a puppy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
