on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
