New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
