I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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