are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
