Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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