He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
